Cancer, Depression and Me.

Myself and Jensen took it in turns through the night to be sick. Thank you Jesse for your bug. Ive not been sick since early hours so im hoping its a 24 hour bug. Jesse took himself school this morning as I was too weak. Didn't dare let him have another day off after welfare ringing me. Sat waiting for Jesse to arrive home from school and it was getting late. I said to Jasper, he's normally home by now. I frantically rang the school to make sure he'd arrived this morning. Hed arrived, they told me to ring back to let them know if i find him. At this point I was praying to God that my son was ok. Jasper said he'd go look for him, so off he went on his bike. He rang me from 2 streets away and said he couldnt see him. I was thinking all sorts. He rang me back from the school to say he'd found him playing football at school with his friends. Oh god the relief i felt. I thanked God out loud. The fear that went through my mind thinking that Jesse was missing and he was ha...

December already, where has this year gone. How have I made it this far? Ive blinked and its December. Crazy! Jesse's back in school today. Routine is good. Been to craft morning with my friends. Didn't feel like making anything today so I just sat there trying to engage in conversations. I was telling them how I dont want to put a tree up and how im just not feeling Christmas. I said its not the same after losing a child. Damian has told Jesse he's buying him a Christmas tree to put in the living room. Looks like im putting a tree up. Damian said they're not little for long, put a tree up. Hes right, I need to snap myself out of how im feeling. I'm meeting my sister Wednesday to go Christmas shopping and for a festive hot chocolate, im looking forward to that. Might get me in the Christmas spirit. Doubt it, but we can hope. I'm just depressed. The medication is keeping me afloat. Fed up of life, can't see a light at the end of a tunnel. Can't see a futu...