December 31st Wednesday.

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So, after I blogged yesterday I ended up going shopping with Jensen. We were walking out of home bargains and a few cars away from me, I saw a boy get out of his car and the first thing I saw was Jay-Dees face. I said to Jensen, ive just seen Jay-Dee and he said he saw him too. For a moment I got to look at my sons face. New Years Eve and im sat watching a documentary and drinking water. 4 years sober tomorrow. 4 years alcohol free, how the fuck have I manage to stay sober after losing my son? What an achievement, 4 years. Im so proud of myself. Im praying for better mental health in 2026. I can't do another year like the last 5 years. Don't know how ive gotten through the last 5 years. Jensen has gone Stone tonight with his mates and im so scared that something bad will happen. Ive told him to stay safe and I love him. Those were the words I sent to Jay-Dee and look how that turned out, because ive lost a child im so scared im going to lose another. Myself and Jesse will be asleep before 12am thats for sure. Had my brother here all day today, so the day hasn't been too bad. Rachael is coming see me tomorrow so that'll be nice. Im constantly going the toilet for a wee because since Jensen brought me a Stanley beaker, ive been drinking loads of water. Might treat myself to a can of pop haha. Anyway, enjoy your NYE and ill be back tomorrow. 

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