April 25th Saturday.
Was meant be going my mums today with my sister, but im not feeling the best. Ive got no motivation at all. So fed up of being depressed. A photo of Jay-Dee and his best friends came up on my memories and it broke my heart. I see his friends all doing things, going out etc and it breaks my heart that my son is no longer here doing things with them. I got dressed, decided I wasn't going out today and got back into clean pjs. Sick and tired of feeling the way I do. Wish I could just end my life and be done with. My dad was 55 and my son was 21, its killing me inside that they're both gone. They had so much more life to live, its just not fair! Grief is destroying me. Cancelling plans like going my mums today because ive got no interest in being around people. Grief and depression are ruining my life. I dreamt last night that we were on holiday, this holiday is really playing on my mind. I wish id never booked it, but ive paid for it all now, so ive got to go. Don't know why i...