Cancer, Depression and Me.

My cat attacked my poor dog this morning, my dog was shaking after Jensen split them up. We got the cat to the vets and they've rang me to say surgery went well. They said it takes 6 weeks for testosterone to leave his system and if hes still aggressive then we should let him outside.  I can tell you now, im not living in fear for another 6 weeks! We've got collect him at 4pm and im dreading it. I dont want him come back and I know that sounds horrible and I love him to bits, but im petrified of him. I feel sad today, been thinking about my dad and son all day. We knew the better days wouldnt last. Im so heartbroken.  I was heartbroken even on my better days, I was just handling it better. I know I can't bring them back, but id give anything to see them again, I wish everyday that they'd visit me in my dreams. That only happens every now and again.  Im so sad that they're not here anymore.  It hits me every morning when I wake up that ive got to face another day wit...

My cat, Sol, is currently locked in the kitchen. Ive tried to go in and his fangs are out and hes hissing at me. Jensen has tried go near him and hes clawed his arm. This cat is the devil, I swear. Ive been to collect his sedation medication from the vets that hes got have at 7.30am tomorrow, 2 hours before he goes the vets to have his balls cut off and I swear, if neutering him doesnt work, hes about to become an outdoor cat because I can not live like this. Im scared to be in my own home. Damian came school this morning with Max to watch Jesse in his assembly. Jesse was made up. We're getting a takeaway for tea because I can't get in my kitchen. Its ridiculous. All this because of a fucking cat. Jesse's nearly done his 2nd full week at school. Having 3 alarms go off every 15 minutes in the morning is helping to wake me up, and its working. From the school this morning ive walked to the chemist to collect mine and Jasper's antibiotics because the cat has bit us both. P...

Couldn't get the cat (Sol) to go in the cat carrier this morning, he went feral again. My friend came to try and he attacked her. The vets suggested leaving him today and they've booked him in for Friday, so we'll try again. They are prescribing sedation medication for me to collect tomorrow to sedate him before he goes. You really dont understand how scared I am of this cat. I love him to bits when hes being nice, but when he changes, its horrible. My friend said shes had cats all her life and shes never seen a cat be the way my cat is. Its scary. Went to watch Jesse in his assembly this morning. Bloody love that little boy is do. Hes gone Fusion tonight, its a youth club at school, 5-7 every Wednesday. He loves it. Hes becoming so independent, hes not my baby anymore. Time is a thief. The love i have for my 4 boys is immense, breaks my heart that one of my children are dead.  You never think it would happen to you, until it does and your whole world crumbles. Damian is co...

Took my cat the vets, hes being neutered tomorrow morning and apparently that will calm him down. Im praying it works because im scared of my own cat. Glad we haven't had to have him put asleep, because i really love him. Im waiting for the chemist to tell me my antibiotics are ready to collect Jensen will have to drop the cat off tomorrow morning at the vets, hes got be there for 9.15am and ive got go Jesse's assembly. Can't be in two places at once and im choosing Jesse's assembly. Dont want him being the only child there with no parent watching him. Ive had to ring the doctors for Jasper because Sol bit him two days ago and his cut has got green in it. Honestly, this cat is a nightmare.  Mentally im doing ok, think the drama with the cat is keeping my mind busy and stopping me from over thinking. Too scared ill get attacked to think of anything else haha. Felt ok the past few days, I think about my dad and son all throughout the day, but the past couple of days im ha...

My cat went feral a couple of weeks ago, he was hissing and howling at us. It took over a week for him to calm down and last night he did it again, only today hes gone for me. Hes clawed me and sunk his teeth into my arm. I was dripping of blood when I got him off me. Ive made a vets appointment for tomorrow morning at 9am to get him checked out. The vets told me I needed see my Dr about the bites because they will become infected. The doctors have looked at my bite marks and have prescribed me with antibiotics which ive got collect from the pharmacy tomorrow.  The thing im getting at is that I dont know what to do about my cat. Im scared to be near him, he just keeps hissing and howling at me. I think im going have to surrender him or have him put asleep. I love him so much, but I can't keep being scared in my own home. The kids dont want me get rid of him, but I feel like I have no choice. Im scared about going bed tonight incase he attacks me again. He doesnt like my dog, his ba...

One of my friends came yesterday, it wasn't planned, she just asked if I was in and that she was coming across. Did me good if im honest. Not really one to socialise, I force myself so I dont get stuck in this rabbit hole im in. Anyway, the couple of hours she was here did me good, we chatted and laughed. Ive got some good friends around me. Jesse's just gone with Damian so ive just jumped in the shower.  I feel ok today, grief isn't weighing me down, its there, but not as heavy today. I was meant be going meet a couple of friends today, but I really can't be bothered to leave the house. Im showered and in clean pjs. Jasper is sleeping over tonight, ill be in bed early ready for my alarms in the morning. I say alarms because I have to set more than one. Ive been getting up easier by setting numerous alarms from 6.30am-7.15am. Gradually waking myself up, its working and Jesse did a full week last week so ill carry on. I started watching The Mentalist yesterday on Netflix...