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October 19th Monday.

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Ive had enough, i opened my back door and let my cat out. Guess what? He had a sniff around and came back inside the little shit! Hes currently upstairs with Jensen and im locked in the living room with my dog. The dog has just gone for the cat, even shes had enough of his shit. The cat went for my dog this morning and Sicily didn't dare walk past him, so I picked my dog up and the cat clawed my legs. Honestly, hes being vile. Wish we never had him. The dog and the cat can't get along. They were fine together until the cat turned on us all about 4 weeks ago. Im so fed up. Im living in fear. Hes been locked in the kitchen all morning with the back door open, I was expecting him to just fuck off and let some steam off, but noooo, he just came back inside. All his stuff, his litter tray, food and water are in the kitchen because thats where hes going be spending alot of his time with the back door open. Im hoping the more he goes out, the more he'll explore and not just stay b...
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October 18th Sunday.

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Jesse went for a sleepover last night at Damians, its 2.37pm and hes still out with Damian. Loved having my early night last night and chilled out day. My cat, Sol, has gone for my dog again so hes currently locked in the kitchen. I am so fed up of being scared of a cat. They're vicious little bastards arent they? Hes got a follow up appointment tomorrow at 4pm to check where he had surgery, then I think im going to let him outside. I can't live like this anymore. Its been going on now for over 3 weeks. Ive just had myself a hot shower and got back into some clean pjs. Take away for tea I think. Can't wait go bed and lock myself in my room away from the cat. Jesse breaks up Thursday for Halloween half term. Can't wait for a week of lie ins. You know what, im not feeling too bad. Im sat with Jasper, he went out last night and rolled in at 4am this morning.  Im hooked on The Mentalist, its all ive been watching the past few days. The weekends go by so fast, 2 lie ins aren...
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October 17th Saturday.

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So Sol was neutered yesterday, the vets said it can take 6 weeks for testosterone to leave his body. Great! Hes gone for my dog again this morning so hes currently locked in Jensens bedroom with him. My nervous system is shot to shit. Im scared of a bloody cat. They're so vicious. Im more scared that he'll attack my dog again. He can't go out for 48 hours after surgery, hes got a follow up appointment Monday at 4pm and I think after that, im letting him outside. The boys dont want me to, but its not them living in fear of a fucking cat. Ive had enough now. If I didn't have the dog, id lock myself in my bedroom and be done with life.  After we had breakfast, myself and Jesse got dressed and went to get Jesse a haircut. We've been Asda and Jesse asked if id do a chicken dinner for tea, so ive just brought a chicken, veg, potatoes and Yorkshire puddings to make a dinner later with gravy and mint sauce. Can't wait. Love making it and eating it, but then I have to wa...
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October 16th Friday.

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My cat attacked my poor dog this morning, my dog was shaking after Jensen split them up. We got the cat to the vets and they've rang me to say surgery went well. They said it takes 6 weeks for testosterone to leave his system and if hes still aggressive then we should let him outside.  I can tell you now, im not living in fear for another 6 weeks! We've got collect him at 4pm and im dreading it. I dont want him come back and I know that sounds horrible and I love him to bits, but im petrified of him. I feel sad today, been thinking about my dad and son all day. We knew the better days wouldnt last. Im so heartbroken.  I was heartbroken even on my better days, I was just handling it better. I know I can't bring them back, but id give anything to see them again, I wish everyday that they'd visit me in my dreams. That only happens every now and again.  Im so sad that they're not here anymore.  It hits me every morning when I wake up that ive got to face another day wit...
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October 15th Thursday.

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My cat, Sol, is currently locked in the kitchen. Ive tried to go in and his fangs are out and hes hissing at me. Jensen has tried go near him and hes clawed his arm. This cat is the devil, I swear. Ive been to collect his sedation medication from the vets that hes got have at 7.30am tomorrow, 2 hours before he goes the vets to have his balls cut off and I swear, if neutering him doesnt work, hes about to become an outdoor cat because I can not live like this. Im scared to be in my own home. Damian came school this morning with Max to watch Jesse in his assembly. Jesse was made up. We're getting a takeaway for tea because I can't get in my kitchen. Its ridiculous. All this because of a fucking cat. Jesse's nearly done his 2nd full week at school. Having 3 alarms go off every 15 minutes in the morning is helping to wake me up, and its working. From the school this morning ive walked to the chemist to collect mine and Jasper's antibiotics because the cat has bit us both. P...
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October 14th Wednesday.

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Couldn't get the cat (Sol) to go in the cat carrier this morning, he went feral again. My friend came to try and he attacked her. The vets suggested leaving him today and they've booked him in for Friday, so we'll try again. They are prescribing sedation medication for me to collect tomorrow to sedate him before he goes. You really dont understand how scared I am of this cat. I love him to bits when hes being nice, but when he changes, its horrible. My friend said shes had cats all her life and shes never seen a cat be the way my cat is. Its scary. Went to watch Jesse in his assembly this morning. Bloody love that little boy is do. Hes gone Fusion tonight, its a youth club at school, 5-7 every Wednesday. He loves it. Hes becoming so independent, hes not my baby anymore. Time is a thief. The love i have for my 4 boys is immense, breaks my heart that one of my children are dead.  You never think it would happen to you, until it does and your whole world crumbles. Damian is co...
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October 13th Tuesday.

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Took my cat the vets, hes being neutered tomorrow morning and apparently that will calm him down. Im praying it works because im scared of my own cat. Glad we haven't had to have him put asleep, because i really love him. Im waiting for the chemist to tell me my antibiotics are ready to collect Jensen will have to drop the cat off tomorrow morning at the vets, hes got be there for 9.15am and ive got go Jesse's assembly. Can't be in two places at once and im choosing Jesse's assembly. Dont want him being the only child there with no parent watching him. Ive had to ring the doctors for Jasper because Sol bit him two days ago and his cut has got green in it. Honestly, this cat is a nightmare.  Mentally im doing ok, think the drama with the cat is keeping my mind busy and stopping me from over thinking. Too scared ill get attacked to think of anything else haha. Felt ok the past few days, I think about my dad and son all throughout the day, but the past couple of days im ha...
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