December 28th Sunday.

I need medication to get through the day, and thats ok. I need to remember that its ok to need medication to survive. I dread to think where I'd he without the meds if im honest. The amount i take and im still depressed. Can you imagine how low I'd be without them. Its a shame I have to take medication because I'd love to just feel normal, I dont even know what normal is. I just know its not fair that im plagued with depression. I went see a couple of my friends earlier. Had to force myself to go. Honestly its draining. I dont even want to get out of bed, never mind socialising, but I push myself so my depression doesn't get any worse. Im glad I went, got me out of the house a few hours. The whole time I was out, I just wanted to be at home. Its 5pm and I just want to go and die in bed. I am so fed up of feeling like this. I can't do another year in survival mode. Wonder if ill meet someone in the new year, can't really be bothered if im honest with starting again, but we'll see what happens. My house smells of curry because ive been slow cooking one all day. Just thought I'd share that, but anyway, im praying for happiness in 2026. Got be due some luck, right?