December 29th Monday. Apparently.

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Was just sat thinking of how much i miss my dad's phone call everyday. Its been 5 years and im still grieving, only now im grieving my child loss too. Thought about killing myself today. Can't see me ever getting better mentally. Im fed up. Grief eats away at me daily, and i know its always going to be this way. So how am I meant to live? How do I get "better"? Diets going shit. Just keep eating Christmas chocolate. Be glad when ive eaten it all haha. Feels like a sunday today, saying that I have taken Jesse for a hair cut. Got us both out of the house an hour. You know what I'd love. I'd love to lie in a hot bath, submerge myself under the water and just drown. That's them intrusive thoughts again! Anyway, its been a shit day. Thinking of taking Jesse the park or something tomorrow. Think it will do us both good. I'll let you know what i decide. We've got snow coming Friday it says on my weather app. Anyway, not going to kill myself, dont worry. It was just a thought.

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