November 1st Saturday.
Today im feeling thankful, im trying to be positive. I'm thankful first of all that im still alive because depression is horrendous. I ask myself everyday how ive made it through another day. Life's hard work for me. I'm thankful for my living children. The reasons I get up every morning. My Jensen, Jasper and Jesse-John. I miss Jay-Dee more than anything in the world, im thankful for having him in my life for 21 years. I'm tearing up. My first born son, gone forever. God my heart aches for my child. I'll never understand why he killed himself, I just can't wait to see him again. I really am thankful that ive made it through another day. Forced myself to shower today and wash my hair because its been days since ive showered. I know, gross right? Depression is destroying me. Grief is killing me slowly. I try to be positive, but im forcing it. I just want to lie in bed and scream! I dont want to participate in life, im forcing something that isn't working. I...