November 4th continued.

A wave of grief has just hit me. Saw a tiktok I made of Jay-Dee on my memories and I felt the sadness course through my body like a shiver. Weird feeling. Hey, at least I had a few good hours..

Feel like shit again. Fuck my life! So sick of feeling like this. Anyway, its ok to feel sad, just dont stay there too long. So ive just got up and put a chicken in the oven. Going make me and the boys, chicken and stuffing baps for tea. I'm ok. Ive got this. Just need to stay busy to keep my mind occupied. I'm feeling stronger today. I'm trying my best to live with grief. Some days are so hard, as you know from my blogs, but some days, like today, im carrying it better. Grief hits me every single day. Not a day goes by where I dont think of my father and son. Not a single day. Now that's heavy on the heart. Every day I feel like Ive been punched in the stomach. It really is horrible. Trying to stay positive so I messaged my friend and said I'd nip hers tomorrow night and she said shes going to cook us tea. Bonus haha. I'm so lucky to have the friends ive got. Going my brothers friday night with my sister and the kids, for fireworks. Be nice to see my brother and sister all together. We see each other but not all 3 together at the same time so it'll nice. Feel so much better now ive blogged.