November 28th Friday.

Jesse was sick again last night so he's been off today. That's 4 days off sick and welfare have video called me to check on Jesse. The fuck do they think im doing with him? Anyway, its not been a bad day mentally. My brother has not long gone home so ive had company all day. Damian rang to see if Jesse wants a sleepover tonight, and even though he's still a bit poorly, he wanted to sleep over so he's not long just gone. A child free night and im spending it in my pjs with my dog and kitten. How fucking sad am I? Haven't got to get up early in the morning ao that's a bonus! Thought about my dad and son today, like I do everyday, but having my brother here helped. Now im sat on my own, that's when I sit thinking about everything. Jesse asked me to put a Christmas tree up, but my heart isn't in it. I know im going have to put one up at some point, but im leaving it as long as possible. I'll just be glad when its over with. Its just money all the time and im broke! It's shit. Damian is a god send, he's brought Jesse loads of toys and a new tablet to watch YouTube on whilst he's on his ps5. Ive brought Jesse about 6 gifts, all stuff that he's asked for. I'm trying my best and that's all I can do. Jesse usually sleeps with me so its going to be nice to have the bed to myself tonight. I'd go visit my friends whilst im Jesse free, but I just can't be bothered. Jensen will be back soon, he's finished work and gone to get a hair cut. It'll just be me and Jensen in the house tonight. Jasper has been here since dinner time and he's not long gone home when Jesse went. I love having my kids around me, they give me purpose. God im trying so hard to live this life. More of a positive blog today. I'm still depressed as shit, but im doing ok today.