November 4th Tuesday.

Feel so much better today, but it is only 10am so that could change, but upto now im ok. Ive been the cafe see my friends, had a cup of tea and actually engaged in conversation. Ive been Asda do some shopping and now im back home. Its raining and miserable outside. 

Thank God i feel better today. Its been a rough few weeks mentally. When youre stuck in a depressive episode, its hard to see a way out. I have to tell myself that tomorrow might be better. Its so hard when you have suicidal thoughts. When im low all I think about is dying, its horrible. I'm still sad, but i feel better in myself. Just brought myself a festive candle, mulled wine and cinnamon. My house is going to smell lovely. I'm going go clean my bedroom and bathroom I think. Jesse's room needs hoovering too, but Jensen is still in bed so that'll have to wait an hour or so. Not gone trauma therapy today. Don't think im ready mentally. All the weeks ive been going, i couldnt tell you a thing about it. Nothing has gone in. Told you I just dissociate through the whole session. Anyway, ive just taken my morning meds and im going clean upstairs. See you later.