November 6th Thursday.

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Pulled my Christmas decorations out today, they're still in the bag. Ive not put them up. Was thinking it might make me feel a bit better putting them up for Jesse, and then I think about my son not being here and my heart isn't in it. I know ill have to put them up at some point for the kids. Just pulled my boys stocking out that go along the fire place. All matching, they're lovely. I'll always put the 4 up every year because I know Jay-Dee is still with me. I know my dad is. My guardian angels. Since my dad and son passed away life became so different. I see things differently, I appreciate things more. I know how easily life can be taken away. I worry more about my boys since Jay-Dees death. I couldnt bare to lose another child and I know it happens. I'm on groups on Facebook about losing a child/son and i see people posting about losing 2 plus children. The thought of losing another child haunts me. Let's change the subject. Anyway, im ok today. Always sad, but i feel ok.

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