October 30th Friday.

Grief isn't so heavy today, so i got dressed and myself and Jesse have been to visit my brother for a few hours. Broke my day up and I got some fresh air. 

Ive completed The Mentalist last night, it was brilliant. Im just starting Bones, its meant be brilliant, so we'll see. Think there's like 17 or more seasons so this is going to take a while.

Jesse and I are relaxing on the settee now.

Jasper will be across soon and Jensen asked if we could get Burger king for tea.

I'll never be skinny.

Ive given up trying to lose weight, its impossible whilst im taking Olanzopine. I was thinking of coming off it, to lose some weight, but I really need it to stop me from killing myself. So looks like im staying on it. Life's too short to worry about my weight, I could be dead tomorrow. 

Since losing my dad and son I dont really care about anything. People moan about the little things in life and I think to myself, my dad and son are dead and people moan about stupid things.

I see life differently since they died, I know how short life can be. 

I met up with 2 of my friends yesterday, it was literally a last minute thing. I was in pjs 2 minutes before they arrived. We nipped Heron and back my mates for a quick cuppa. Jesse went the cinema with Damian to watch Street Fighter, so I thought ill nip out for an hour. Anyway one of my friends kicked off because she wasn't invited because it was literally a sper of the moment thing and I thought to myself, you little bitch! But because im the better person, i kept my mouth shut. I really haven't grown into a different person because the old me would of torn her a new arse hole. Anyway, shes ok today.

My friends brought me a lovely photo frame, when my photos arrive I'll put a photo in and show you.

Anyway, going relax and watch Bones.