October 16th Friday.

My cat attacked my poor dog this morning, my dog was shaking after Jensen split them up.

We got the cat to the vets and they've rang me to say surgery went well. They said it takes 6 weeks for testosterone to leave his system and if hes still aggressive then we should let him outside. 

I can tell you now, im not living in fear for another 6 weeks!

We've got collect him at 4pm and im dreading it. I dont want him come back and I know that sounds horrible and I love him to bits, but im petrified of him.

I feel sad today, been thinking about my dad and son all day. We knew the better days wouldnt last. Im so heartbroken. 

I was heartbroken even on my better days, I was just handling it better. I know I can't bring them back, but id give anything to see them again, I wish everyday that they'd visit me in my dreams. That only happens every now and again. 

Im so sad that they're not here anymore. 

It hits me every morning when I wake up that ive got to face another day without them. 

Every morning I wake up, is a day closer to my death and I can not wait for God to take my life, preferably in my sleep..