September 8th Tuesday.

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My dad and son died knowing i loved them, so why can't I just come to terms with their deaths. Its killing me inside. I think about them both all throughout the day. Im not even exaggerating, they are on my mind all the time. Grief eats away at me when im awake, probably why I like being asleep. Its an escape from my own mind. I hate that i have no choice but to live this life ive got, when all I really want to do is die. Im so fucking depressed. All the medication im on and im still depressed. 
Anyway, something less depressing, ive made a homemade lasagne for tea which is currently slow cooking ready for later. We're having tender stem broccoli and green beans and garlic bread with it. 
Doesn't matter how depressed I might be, my kids will still eat.

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