September 26th Saturday.

Ended up going out last night and so glad I did, had a lovely night. Michael Jackson tribute show was brilliant. Didn't get home till about 11pm ish and had to take my night time meds that I usually take at 6pm. Was wide awake till 1am ish and i feel like shit today. Im usually in bed for 9pm and asleep by 10pm, so im tired today. Not use to having a late night, was worth it though and I dont do it very often.

A couple of my mates were drinking and I watched how they went from being sober to half cut and I just thanked God that im sober. 

Woke up with a banging headache, must be because I took my medication that late. Felt like id been drinking, its easing off now as the day goes by.

Cost me £7 for a J20 and a can of Fanta. Day light robbery haha.

Jesse's been out today on a bike ride with his friend. Was so nervous about letting him go, but he was fine and I tracked him on life360. 

Now hes in year 6 he can start going the youth club at his school on a Wednesday night. 5.30pm till 7pm. With it going dark earlier now, he can go on his own, but ill walk down at 7pm to meet him on his way home. Hes getting older, but hes still my baby. There's dangerous people outside and im not about to lose another child.

Im on high alert all the time when my boys go out since losing Jay-Dee, im so scared something bad will happen to my kids.

I couldnt bare to lose another child, people do lose more than one child and I pray that doesnt happen to me. It would seriously kill me off if I lost another son. It would be game over.

Im so tired today.

Jensen and Jasper have asked me if I want go cinema with them tomorrow whilst Jesse is with Damian to watch the new Resident Evil. Makes me so happy that they still want to do things with me as they get older.

I think we'll have a take away for tea with it being a Saturday night.

I dont feel too bad today, grief isn't so heavy. Thank God. Still grieving, I'll always be grieving, but today it isn't weighing me down..