August 28th Friday.

Got up early today because my brother took me get my medication and then he took me Asda to get a birthday cake and cards for Jensen, he'll be 23 on Sunday. Back home and back in my pjs. Ive got such a good brother, he does alot for me. Feel a bit better today, dont know if its because ive left the house or im just having a better day, but ill take it. Im still sad, but not as sad as yesterday if that makes sense. Still sat thinking about my dad and son. I think it will be this way until I die. Im always going to feel sad. Jay-Dees birthday next month, not looking forward to it, but ill buy him a cake and we'll celebrate his birthday like we always do. It'll be 6 years for my dad in November. Dont know honestly how ive survived the last 6 years. Im heartbroken. I miss my dad and son more than anything in the world. Got to keep living for my other children. That's what I tell myself when I have suicidal thoughts. I still find it hard to believe that my son took his own life, I shouldn't out live my children. Cancer stole my dad from me. Im just heartbroken, but im not going to drown in my thoughts, im going do some housework to occupy my mind. Going put some music on and lift my mood.