August 24th Monday.

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Ive just taken my dog on a walk before this house consumes me. Needed to get out. Jesse came with me so I wasn't on my own. How am I feeling? I dont really know. I feel a bit numb to life. Ive still not showered, but ive walked my dog, so thats a start. I just feel so depressed all the time. I know it will do me good when im back doing the school run and nipping Asda for stuff for tea. I need to go get my medication at some point this week. Its Jensens birthday this weekend and im broke. Feel overwhelmed with life. I dont fit in anymore. Is my purpose just to be a mum? Why did my dad die of cancer? Why did my son kill himself? Its all that ever goes around in my head. Its draining. Im mentally exhausted. I just want to sleep my days away, im so tired. Proud of myself for taking my dog out though, its a step in the right direction. Just got to keep going, regardless of how im feeling. Have to keep telling myself that my boys need me. It keeps me going. Done some washing today and pegged it out. I must say, I feel a bit better than I have done this past week. Wouldnt say no to death, but im ok.

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