August 17th Monday.

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As i sit here and think to myself, I can't do this anymore, I realise I have no choice. I am so depressed and suicidal. Im so fed up of feeling this way. I just dont see a way out other than death. I dont see a light at the end of this tunnel im stuck in. I dont see myself in the future. I just can't do this anymore. Im so tired of fighting for my life. Its draining me. Its 3.06pm, im still sat in my pjs. Ive hoovered around, ive polished my sons urn and my heart broke. Im really struggling with life. I just want to cry, but I hold it together for my kids. If only they knew how much I was struggling. I could just get into bed and sleep.
Jensen asked me if I wanted go KFC drive through with him, ive said yes, but im going in my pjs. Ive got zero motivation to do anything, I have to force myself to do things. 
Im broke, I have no money to do anything with its depressing. Life is just shit and ive had all I can take.
I wish my boys would just let me go and be ok with it, but thats never going to happen. I love my children that much that im willing to keep living this shit life im living. I would do anything for my children and if that means living, then thats what ill do..

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