August 11th Tuesday.

Been out on a drive to Leek today so Jensen could collect something for his computer desk. Was a lovely drive whilst the sun was shining. I thought I was doing ok today, then we were driving back from Hanley and we came to a bridge and the first thing I thought about was jumping off it. Good job I was in a car. That's how my brain works, even on a better day, I still think about killing myself. Why is that? I dont know. We've got no Internet because the new router isn't working and the old router died so got an engineer coming out tomorrow to fix it for us.

Its only 6.12pm and I already want to go bed. Think I was in bed last night watching tv at 7pm. Must of been asleep before 10pm easily. Told you before, sleep is an escape from my reality. If im sleeping, im not over thinking, plus there's a small chance I get to see my dad and son when im asleep. I dont go sleep when I get in bed, I just relax and watch some tv. Usually my tablet with something on Prime or Netflix. 

I was thinking earlier about my non existent love life and ive become so content with it just being me and my boys, I dont think I ever want to be in a relationship again. God has a plan for me, I mean, he wakes me up everyday so there's got to be a reason and im sure when the time is right, he'll send someone for me to love. Until then im staying on my own, in my own little bubble.