August 10th Monday.

Today myself and Jasper have been to get our eyes tested. Ive got to have some sort of verifocles so I can see far away and up close or I would of had to have 2 pairs of glasses. Jasper's eyes are perfect which is good. 

Jesse is at Trentham Gardens with Damian, Louise, Mabel and Max having a picnic in this lovely weather. He was meant to have his eyes tested, but he loves his days with Damian. It guts me that at some point in his life ive got to tell him that Damian isn't his bio father. Damian is the one who buys things he needs, gives him pocket money every month. He takes him out every Sunday without fail. That's a father! I think ill wait till hes in high school to tell him. It wont change anything, he will still class Damian as his father.

Jasper and I went KFC after we'd been Boots to get our eyes done. Ive come back, got in my pjs and pigged out on chicken. Bloody lovely. Ill never be thin. I was taking the Reta jab, but it just stopped working. Dont think im meant be skinny so fuck it!

Mentally, I dont feel too bad, but thats because ive been busy. I just need to keep busy to keep me feeling ok.

I was thinking this morning when I was sat on my own, about how I asked my dad what it felt like dying. What an insensitive thing to even ask! I was just so curious about death. Hope he forgives me. I just wanted to know what it felt like. Losing my dad changed me, changed the way I see life, changed the way I see people. Everything about me changed the day my dad passed away. Then to lose a child.. I tell my friends and family I love them after ive seen them, just before I go home I always say love you. I tell my kids all throughout the day that I love them, if they leave the house I tell them I love them because one day my son left the house and never returned. Life is too short so always tell the people you love that you love them.