July 23rd Thursday.

Done nothing today except watch Manifest on Netflix. Its really good.

I was thinking earlier about how death has completely changed my life, from being so outgoing to barely recognising myself. I didn't stay there too long because it would of made me sad, but it does make you think.

Anyway, got my brother coming tomorrow.

Jesse gets his first phone tomorrow, just a Samsung, but hes dead excited. My little boy is growing up way too fast. He needs his own phone now because he keeps using mine whilst hes gaming, talking to his cousin Luther.

He was going have a phone for Christmas so its only a few months early.

I remember when Jay-Dee and Jensen had their first phones when they were in primary school and now one is dead and one is on the sick at work because hes depressed. How life changes.

Miss my son and dad so much. Everyday is hard without them, but im trying my best to live this life ive been given.

I miss my dad's company, I use to have a beer with him every single day. Not a day went by where I didn't see my dad. Losing him hit me hard. I use to see Jay-Dee every day after work. About 5.30pm hed get in from work, miss him so much. Miss making his packed lunch every night ready for work in the morning. 

I just miss them both so much. Life's not the same without them. Its like I started a new life after their death and ive got to relearn everything again. My anxiety is shocking. My dad use to take me every where I needed to go, so doing stuff on my own gives me anxiety. Its just shit.

Im going hoover around and put a wash in I think, I know its 7.04pm, but I can peg it out overnight. 

Im tired and i didn't get up till nearly 11am. Anyway, enjoy the rest of your evening.