June 2nd Tuesday. 2 years without my son.

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My alarm went off at 7am, I lay there thinking about it being 2 years for Jay-Dee and just couldnt get out of bed. Couldn't bring myself to do life today, so i kept Jesse off. 
2 years without my son. My heart is forever broken. I miss him so much. I feel numb today, got no motivation at all.
My friends have messaged, some have turned up with flowers and gifts. Im grateful to each and everyone of them.
I feel so sad today. Where have the past 2 years gone? I feel like ive blinked and hes been gone for 2 years.
How have I made it this far in life without committing suicide?
Honeatly dont know how im still alive. The strength I get from my living children is immense. I'd he dead without them.
A canvas i ordered a couple of weeks ago of Jay-Dee arrived today, so ive just put it up on my wall. I sit staring at my canvases of him and still can't believe hes gone.
It still doeant feel real, I wish he'd walk in from work like he use to. God I miss him so much.
I just hope hes with my dad and they're both ok. My heart hurts so much. Just want to lie in bed and die. 
I miss my dad and son so much.

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