June 13th Saturday.

I want to self harm so bad, i just keep thinking of slicing my wrists and I dont know why. Mental health is no joke, im really struggling. The thoughts about self harming are driving me insane, I can just imagine the relief ill feel once ive cut my wrists. Im not going to do it, ill fight the urge no matter how hard it gets. 

Im wondering if its because the boys are going Liverpool overnight? Said to Jasper, the last time one of my children went to Liverpool they never came home. Ive told him no drugs and to stay with everyone who's going. 

Im dreading them going.

My sister invited me hers today for a bbq with my mum and my sisters bf, but ive declined the invite. Im just not in the right head space to socialise. 

The boys go at 2pm and I said to Jesse we'll get an early night with a take away in bed. My perfect Saturday night.

I know im going have a shit sleep because ill be worrying about the boys. Ill be messaging them throughout the day and night to make sure they're ok. Ill be ok when they're back tomorrow. 

Its Jasper's first proper night out, hope he has the best night I really do.

My boys are growing up so fast!

Im just drying Jesse's uniform. Weve done nothing but eat cake and custard haha.

Anyway, ill let you know tomorrow how the boys night went and hopefully both my boys will be home tomorrow..