May 24th Sunday.

-
Damian came around this morning in this red hot weather and did all my grass for me. It was so overgrown. Hes such a good man. Im lucky to have him in my life. Anything me or the kids need and hes there to help. Im blessed. After Damian went my friend Rachael came and shes literally been here all day, a good 6 hours. My mind has been occupied today. Spoke about Jay-Dee whilst having conversations. It always fills my heart when I speak about my dad and son. I love to talk about them, they deserve to be remembered. Im in my pjs now ready for bed. Its 7:04pm. Just had my nighttime medication. My washer is nearly done so I can peg my washing out, ill fetch it back in tomorrow. I can actually get to my washing line now Damian has sorted my grass out. Bless him, he had sweat dripping off him doing the garden in this weather. I did give him a can of pop. Ive not felt too bad today but thats because ive had people around me. Anyway, Jensen is getting us all a desert and we're dieting from tomorrow. Here we go again with the diet haha. Anyway, thats my day. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

June 14th My Son Is Coming Home.

-
The coroner has rang today and the funeral home. My son will be getting collected from Liverpool, Monday morning. Which means I can hopefully see him Tuesday. Its Friday today. It will be over 2 weeks since I last saw my child. As a mother, my body is yearning to see my son. I just need to hold him and kiss him on his head. I feel sickness to the pit of my stomach, I'm dreading seeing my baby in a coffin, I'm dreading the funeral. This shouldn't be happening. His funeral will be July 1st at 12.15. I just feel numb. Im convinced its not my son and he'll just arrive home at some point.. I feel hollow with a sick feeling in my stomach. A few of my friends delivered me a beautiful canvas of my son this morning. What beautiful, thoughtful people I have in my life. I don't really know how I feel or what to say, I don't understand how I'm still alive. I'm lost...
Read more

March 1st Sunday.

-
Natalie bombarded me with messages last night, pissed me right off. Telling me she loves me, so this morning ive told her its infatuation and she can't possibly love me and to leave me alone. Ive got enough shit going on in my head without her adding to it. Fuck it off! Life's so much easier being single. Just me and my boys. Going eat what I want today then start calorie counting tomorrow, try shift some weight. Got us all a McDonald's breakfast this morning haha. Don't know how im going stick to a diet, but im going try my best. Getting my hair done tomorrow, really can't be bothered, but my roots are so bad. Thank god my mums a hairdresser haha. I feel ok today, better than I have done the past few days/weeks. Im cooking a gammon joint for dinner. Still need wash my slow cooker, but that can wait till tomorrow. Trying stay positive today and be more thankful. Its hard when you're depressed and grieving. I pray im not like this forever because its horrible. Yo...
Read more

June 2nd Monday. 1 year.

-
1 year today my first born son tragically passed away. A whole year without my child. The pain I feel inside is unimaginable. I'm hurting, like really hurting. My beautiful boy. I'll never get to see his face again, I'll never get to tell him I love him. Today is hard day. I knew it would be hard, I just didn't realise it would knock me off my feet. I'm a mess. I look a mess and I feel a mess. How am I meant to live each day without one of my children? How have I made it through this past year? How am I not dead already? I fantasise about my death. I thought about making a noose the other day and hanging myself. I wanted to self harm yesterday but I made myself leave the house and go my friends to change my way of thinking. Its been a year today since I last harmed. I honestly don't understand how I'm getting through each day. I don't want to be here anymore, I haven't wanted to be alive for years now. How much longer have I got to live with this pai...
Read more