September 11th Friday.

Can you die from a broken heart? I feel like im fading away, im losing myself more and more as the days go by.

I am so depressed and heartbroken. I hate being alive. One day im going to kill myself, i just know it. Im tired of trying to be strong everyday. 

One of my friends said I was the strongest woman she knows. Let me tell you, I sure as hell dont feel strong.

Ive lost my identity along the road of grief. I dont recognise myself in the mirror. My eyes are sad, when I look at myself i can see the sadness in my eyes and it breaks my heart.

I use to be a bubbly outgoing person and now im walking around like the grim reaper is following me. Just waiting to die.

Im not living, im surviving. There's a massive difference. 

Jesse took himself to school today, he said I dont need go anymore, but thats where the cafe is that I see my friends, so ill still go. Didn't go this morning, decided to walk Asda when Jesse left at 8.10am and do some shopping. As I was walking to Asda my chest was tight, my mouth was dry and I was panicking. Anxiety is a bitch! I tried getting a taxi home when with my shopping, but couldnt get one so I had to walk home with my shopping. My chest went tight, but I did it and im proud of myself. 

Im back in my pjs now, going finish watching a murder documentary i started last night.

Got to keep going..