August 8th Saturday.

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Woke up crying through the night, my dad came to me in my dreams and hugged me. We wrapped our arms around each other and it felt so real, and then I woke up and it hit me that hes dead. Absolutely heartbroken. I had a visitation and it broke my heart. I miss my dad so much. I wish my son would visit me in my dreams and hug me. I miss them both so much, its killing me. Its going to be one of those days today where my dad and son are constantly on my mind. Its been like this the past few days. I feel so low. There's nothing more id love than to end my life and be reunited with them both again, but I know my living children need me.
I need to do something today to get me out of my own head. I need to occupy my mind. Might get ready and take Jesse the park for an hour, or take the dog for a walk. Anything really. Wish I could just lie in bed and be done with life.

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