August 13th Thursday.

Skip got delivered this morning and then I went my mums to have a few hours with her and my sister because she went too. I can only stomach my mum for a couple of hours, so I came home after id been there 2 hours. I love my mum, but shes too strict with the kids. I can't stand it because im so laid back with my kids. I discipline my kids when needed, but they dont have to ask to have a drink or a snack like they do at my mums. We parent differently. That's ok though, 2 hours is plenty of time to be with her haha. I came home and started filling the skip with Jesse, but its that hot outside weve come In doors. Ill finish it off tomorrow. Ive had a nice cool shower and got into my pjs. Can't remember the last time I showered, how bad is that? I spend most of my days just trying to get through the day without killing myself, so a shower isn't my priority unfortunately. I was quiet at mums, didn't really have alot to say. Pointless going really, but Jesse had a good time playing with my brothers kids. My mums got my brothers kids full time, shes had them now for about 8 years. She's so strict with them, I said to my sister they'll rebel when they're older. Haha wait till they're teenagers and they're knocking 10 barrels of shit out of each other like my Jay-Dee and Jensen did. I still have it now every so often with Jasper and Jesse fighting. She's got all this to come ha. Im ready for Jesse to go back school now, hes no problem at all, I just think 6 weeks is way too long to have off school. We're totally out of our routine. Im going to do better with his attendance this year, its his last year in primary school. 7am alarm is going to kill me come September haha. Anyway, Jasper is on his way now to spend a few hours with his mum. Jensen is gaming in his room and Jesse is sat next to me watching YouTube on his tablet. I love it when my boys are all with me, just missing Jay-Dee. I will miss Jay-Dee until my dying day. I will always be a mum to 4 boys, just one of them lives in heaven now with my dad. Ill be grieving forever. I miss them when I go to sleep and I miss them when I wake up. Im trying to live this life ive been given, I really am..