June 12th Friday. Jasper is 18.

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Jasper is 18 today. Feel like ive blinked and hes 18. Crazy. I brought him a chocolate cake, but apparently hes never like chocolate cake haha, so went out and brought a normal cake with jam in. Hes happy now. 
Hes going Liverpool tomorrow night for a night out and staying over night. Im absolutely dreading it because Jay-Dee went Liverpool for a night out and died there. Jensen is going too with them all and hes sensible, so im hoping they all have a good night. Im going be worried all night until they get back home.
After losing a child I worry more about losing another child. My boys are suffering with their mental health since Jay-Dee died, so it worries me.
Didn't go the cafe this morning, couldnt be bothered to wear my smile. Ive done some cleaning today and washing and thats about it.
Mental health is shit, sick of feeling the way I feel. Feel like there's no way out other than death. That's how shit depression is. Anyway, enjoy your Friday what ever youre doing.

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