May 8th Friday.

Just ordered Jesse some shorts and t shirt sets for his birthday with some other bits. Still can't believe hes turning 10 on Monday. Hes going have to go bed early Sunday so I can do his banners and balloons. Im so excited for him. I was up at 6:20am this morning before my alarm went off. Ive showered today to wash my tan off and ive even washed my hair!! Feel so much better today, thank God. My brother has been to drop me a crate of pop off, ive done some washing thats currently in the dryer. Ill fold it all when its dry. Feel so much better today, of course im still sad that my dad and son are no longer here, but im feeling better. Ive just said to myself, I forgive you Jay-Dee for taking your own life. That's a massive thing to do. Of course i forgive him, hes my baby boy, it just doesnt make things any easier. Going to force myself to see my friends at some point over the weekend too. Even on my better days I carry a sadness within me. Im so thankful for these better days I have, they're what keep me going on my bad days. I have to remember that I have EUPD (Emotionally unstable personality disorder) which would explain my good days and bad days. Grief isn't so heavy today and im thankful im alive. No suicidal thoughts today, but it is only 9:57am.. there's time yet haha. Just done an online shop at Asda as I didn't go this morning with my brother coming. Ill take Jesse Asda tomorrow and he can choose a birthday cake, and we need candles. Jasper will be across later and thats my day. Thank you Jesus for a better day.