May 5th Tuesday.

Wonder if ill make it to the age of 50? Im 42 now and when im 50 i want to take out a funeral plan and pay monthly so my kids dont have to worry when im dead, but thats if I make it to 50.. the way things are going, its not likely. I absolutely hate being alive. Couldn't go see my friends this morning because Jasper had a parcel coming and its a good job I rushed back because his parcel was just sat on the step when I got home. Im tired today, didn't want to get up, but I forced myself. Ive got an attendance meeting Thursday about Jesse's attendance so I really need him in school so no more time off. We go away July 1st so ill probably get a fine, but id rather pay a fine than the price of the holiday in half term. The prices shoot up, its ridiculous! Ive not brought anything yet for the holiday, my heart isn't in it. I honestly wish id never booked it. Im sure we'll have the best time when we're there. I hope. Not sure how i feel today, im not happy, but im not suicidal, so thats good. Ill be glad when its bed time, im so tired. Ive slow cooked pork steaks in gravy for tea with chips, onion rings and the meat juice gravy, it was lovely and the kids enjoyed it too so thats good. Got some washing drying outside that I need to remember to bring in later and thats it for today.