May 26th Tuesday.

Finally, after months of putting it off, my hair has been done. Scalp bleach and a toner. Mum said that should be £90 in a salon, luckily my mums a hairdresser then isn't haha. Told her i loved her, thats my payment. My roots were horrendous, my hair looked so bad, but its all done now. Thank God. Ive been in and out of the house doing bits of sunbathing and I was just lying there looking up at the clouds and thought to myself, my dad and son are up there. It breaks my heart. A week today will be 2 years without my child. Honestly, I dont know how ive made it this far. Mum said to me, how am I doing, and I said I honestly wish I was dead. She said stop thinking like that and think of the boys. I said the only reason im alive is for the boys. I said if I didn't have them, id of been gone along time ago, she said I know. Jensen came and picked me up from mums bless him. Mum said I should visit more often, but she lives so far away it costs a fortune in taxis. I should make more of an effort, shes 60 now, she wont be here forever. Anyway, im just doing a load of washing to peg out. My arms and face are burnt from sunbathing and im ordering a pizza for everyone's tea tonight. Sick of cooking and thats my day.