May 11th Monday.

Jesse-Johns 10th birthday. We woke up early so he could open his presents, he took bags of Haribos in school for all of his class, the little bags, you know what I mean. We've done his candles and cake after school. Damian booked bowling for us all. We've had the best day and evening. To top it off we're ordering milkshakes. Depression took a back seat today, its Jesse's birthday and ive tried my best to be happy for him. We were all at bowling, myself, Damian, Damians wife Louise, Jensen, Jasper, Mabel and Max. Was so nice being all together, but my heart sank a little not having Jay-Dee with us. Its hard all of us being together and missing a child. Bowling was so much fun, makes me feel a bit guilty having fun when one of my children are dead. He should still be here with us. I was telling Jensen in the car on the way there that its coming up to 2 years since Jay-Dee passed away and even he said how fast the time has gone. I told him I dont even remember the first year, I dissociate alot. The years are just passing me by and ive got no clue how im making it through each day. The main thing is Jesse's had the best day and thats all that matters. Time to order milkshakes and then bed time.