March 9th Monday.

Ive told Natalie over and over that this thing with us, what ever it is you can call it, isn't going anywhere. Im sick of saying it to her. She just doesnt give up! Sick of it. She's making my mental health worse!! Having a shit day and shes pissing me off with her messages. She bombards me with messages and its draining me. I just want to be on my own. A relationship shouldn't be this much hard work. Sick of telling her to walk away. My heads fucked, she doesnt get it. Sick of telling her im not in a good place mentally. She's driving me insane. If she carries on im just going fucking block her on everything and move on. Weve been talking for 10 weeks, we've seen each other 3 times, she said she loves me.. fuck off!! It's infatuation not love. I just want to be on my own, what doesnt she get?? She doesnt understand how hard my days are and shes not making them any easier, shes adding to my depression. God im so fed up! Im having a shit day! I could scream!! I just want to be left alone. Why am I like this? My brain just wants me to die and im fighting to stay alive. What doesnt she get? Im not mentally well enough to be in a relationship, it shouldn't be this hard. She's a walking red flag i swear. My dad and son are dead and all she keeps doing is pestering me. Leave me the fuck alone, that's what I feel like saying, but instead ive told her to walk away. She's asking me if I love her, no, no I fucking dont! Feel like smashing my head off a fucking wall, honestly. She's making me feel worse than I already do. I dont have enough good days to be in a relationship with anyone. My heads a mess. She's well aware of what's happened and how my mental health is, and yet she still keeps bombarding me with messages. Sorry about the rant. Needed get that out of my system. Anyway, yep im having another shitty day. So fucking fed up. Ive realised ive swore alot in this blog which isn't good, but fuck me im so pissed off. My dad and son are dead and all shes doing is blagging my head. Im fucking grieving!!! Leave me alone for fuck sake. I hate being alive, i hate this life. Im so fed up of fighting for my life. A relationship shouldn't be like this, its meant to be a happy time and shes making me depressed. She's making me want throw my phone at a wall! And breathe Ann-Louise. Can't even say its just a bad day, because its nearly everyday i feel like this. Life is draining me. Ive been kicked off my dentist because apparently ive missed two appointments. Im aware of missing one, not two. So they can fuck off too. Its going be a shit day.