March 22nd Sunday.

Last night I dreamt that I was dying of cancer. It was a horrible dream to have after having cancer already. I remember I had hours left to live. I pray I never have cancer again. Myself and Jesse are up and dressed. Jesse's going out with Damian at half 12 and then my friend is picking me up, then we're collecting 2 more friends to go out for dinner. Its been years since ive been The Dog And Partridge so im looking forward to it. Already decided im having a mixed grill haha. I dont feel too bad today, really can't be bothered to go out, but I know it will do me good. Wish I could just spend my days in bed, thats how depressed I am. Have to force myself to participate in life. Feel guilty for going out when my dad and son are both no longer here, but I know they'd be telling me to go and enjoy myself. Its hard living a life after losing people you love. I am trying though. After we've had tea tonight, myself and Jasper are going to start fasting and having one meal a day to lose some weight, we'll see how that goes.. we go away in 4 months so ive got to try something to lose some weight, plus summer is coming and im sick of being fat, but anyway, we'll see how it goes. Really need to be strict with myself, so going enjoy my food today and diet from tomorrow. Swear I start a diet every Monday haha. Really going try this time. Anyway, thats it for today.