March 15th Sunday. Mothers Day.

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Sat here feeling depressed, contemplating getting back into bed, but also willing myself on to get a shower. My heart hurts today. Mothers day and one of my children are in heaven. My heart aches. Im sat here telling myself to get up and get showered. Ive lost the will to live. Im so sad inside. Got no plans for today, just going to try and get through the day the best way I can. I will get a shower at some point. I could just get into bed and just lie there and watch the time pass me by. I knew today was going to be shit, I knew it would knock me back mentally. Was awake at 8am! So much for a lie in this weekend. Don't know why ive been waking up early. I plan on Jesse doing another full week next week at school. Got no vape. Fuck my life. Not really got much to say today if im honest, i feel depressed. You'd think id be use to this depression by now, but everyday gives me something new to feel shitty about. Ive had cards, chocolates, a new signet rings and all I want is my son back. Im going to shower see if that makes me feel any better.

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