March 14th Saturday.

Woke up early, 9:10am to be precise. Wanted a lie in, but I didn't get much of one. Stripped my bedding and washed it all, love getting into fresh bedding. My friends brought me a bunch of roses today to chear me up. I really do have the best friends. Made me smile. Ive been so low just lately, can't seem to snap out of it. Grief is hard. Im struggling to be happy. Ive not showered in over a week, im going make myself shower and wash my hair tomorrow. Depression is horrible. Having depression and grief is killing me off slowly. Im starting running Monday with Jasper, told him I might need walk and run and hes fine with that. Got to start somewhere. Ill try my best to jog the whole way. Ill have my head phones on with Jay-Dees play list playing and we're going to run to the crem and back. Visit Jay-Dees flower bed. Really hope i get into this running and eating healthy from Monday because it will make me feel better im sure. Going buy lots of chicken Monday and try and eat better. Really need shift some weight, so going try my best. Be nice having Jasper run with, it will be good for his mental health too. Im so unfit, this running is going to kill me off haha. My vape has run out and im not buying another. Im going on a health kick! I can do this. It'll give me something to focus on. Really got to try and improve my mental health and running with Jasper is just what I need. Wish me luck. Doing things with my boys is my favourite thing to do, so for Jasper to ask if I wanted go running with him makes my day. My absolute world my boys are. Tomorrow is going to be a hard day. Mothers Day isn't the same when you have a child in heaven. My heart hurts. You know what, im really excited for Monday, I just know its going to improve my mental health. Got take Jasper the doctors at 9:00am so hes doing the school run with me and then when we're back, its run time. Looking forward to it. Had a shit day today, spent the day in my pjs feeling sorry for myself. Jesse went out with Damian and i sat and binge watched something on Netflix called Dear Child. Its was dubbed, but really good, if youre looking for something to watch. Saturday night and im in bed blogging at 8:05pm. How my weekends have changed since going sober. Im not sat drinking myself to death, im not slicing chunks out of my arm anymore or waking up in a police cell, which ive done both many of times. Im so grateful to be sober. I just know in my heart that my dad and son will be proud of the changes ive made in my life. Im a better person now and im so thankful to myself for the changes ive made. Recovery isn't an easy road to be on and I take it day by day just like I do with living and thats all I can do. Rugby is on the tv, England are playing. My dad loved Rugby and hated Football. Anyway, thats my day done.