February 21st Saturday.

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I remember crying in my dreams last night as I sat beside my dad's hospital bed as he was dying. I hate these type of dreams. I dont want to relive my dad's death, but i do. I relive it when im awake and when im asleep. Its cruel. God I miss that man so much. I relive my sons death, even though I wasn't there, I read the coroners report and I know how he died, what injuries he had, how he landed. I know everything and its a fucking living nightmare. Ill never know why my son killed himself and thats torture. I never got to say goodbye and that kills me. When I dream about my dad and son, it really affects me when I wake up. I already know im going to have a shitty day and its only 11:17am. Ive just stripped my bedding because my new coverless duvet has arrived. Got no plans for today. Its take away night tonight, so we're getting a Domino's pizza. One more lie in and then its back to the school run. This last week has flown by. I feel like shit today and i know its because of my dream. Oh well, not much i can do about it. At least i got to see my dad i guess.

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