February 13th Friday.

Natalie said ive got something being delivered tomorrow for Valentines Day, not going lie, im a bit excited. You know what? I really deserve this happiness. Ive waited and prayed for so long, I deserve to be happy. Don't get me wrong, im depressed as fuck, but shes making my days a bit brighter and thats the main thing isn't it? Let's hope it works out. Im not rushing anything, what will be, will be. She's been shopping and brought me my favourite chocolates, Gullian Seashells to give me Monday on our date. She's ticking all the right boxes haha. Been out today to buy a vape, its harder than I thought to quit. At least ive quit the weed, thats the main thing. Took Jesse get a haircut and went the oatcake shop for fresh oatcakes for tea. Back in my pjs now. Natalie makes me smile, I just hope things work out between us. We're just taking things slowly. 11 days weed free and i feel so much better for it. Im cooking more now im not stoned all the time, and im more present as a mother. This sober life is suiting me. I know im still a mess mentally, but im getting stronger everyday. I still have bad days where I want to die, but im fighting those intrusive thoughts. Im stronger than I think I am. Half way through February already, not sure how i made it through January, but here I am. Living this life ive been given. Miss my dad and son so much, but ive got to try and live. Im still in survival mode, but soon I hope to be thriving. We'll see.