January 30th Friday.

So, i unblocked Natalie this morning. She's sorry, blah blah blah. Don't know what do about the situation. On one hand, I like the girl, but to speak to me like im shit isn't sitting well with me. Ive told her shes a red flag haha. Seriously though, what do I do? After speaking for a month, shes told me she loves me.. if thats not ringing alarm bells then nothing will ha. Ill just see what happens. Anyway, Jasper told me last night that hes depressed. So glad hes told me and felt comfortable enough to talk to me. Hes not been right since Jay-Dee passed away. Im ringing the doctors Monday morning to get an appointment. Im not about to lose another child thats for sure. Went the cafe this morning see my friends. My brother came earlier, so today hasn't been too bad mentally speaking. I mean, im sad as shit inside, but im coping better. I want to come off my Olanzopine, i dont feel a thing being on it. Im numb to life. Im scared to come off it because of how bad mentally I was before Olanzopine. Its fucking shit! I hate being alive. Right, I need to snap out of it before my mood goes lower. Ive made a homemade cottage pie for tea with fresh veg and gravy. Lovely. Jesses had himself a bath with his bath bombs he had for Christmas. Can't wait get into bed and not set an alarm. Honestly, im contemplating home schooling Jesse so we dont have to get up early hahaha. No, sod that he'd drive me insane. I just love being asleep. Told you before, its my escape from living. Anyway, thats my Friday. Enjoy your evening.