January 27th Tuesday.

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My dad and Jay-Dee are heavy on my heart today. Why is life so god damn cruel. I miss them both so much it really hurts. How will it be 2 years in June for Jay-Dee and 6 years November for my dad? Ive been mentally unwell for such a long time. My mental health goes way back to my teenage years, but when my dad died, something in me died that day too. Been struggling since. God I miss them. Why my son? My first born beautiful baby. 21 is no age to die. My dad was 55. Its just devastating. Going go see my mate later when shes finished work because I need to snap out of this dark mood im in. Jensen told me earlier before he went work, that he'll be getting an apartment in Manchester by the end of this year with his gf who currently lives in the USA. Feel a bit gutted that he'll be moving to Manchester. Ill hardly see him. Made me feel a bit low. Only want the best for him, but god I will miss him. Im writing today off as a shit day!

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