January 25th Sunday.

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Its been a long day and now its nearly bed time. Thank god. Nipped see my friend earlier for a couple of hours. We always have a laugh when we're together. It does me good. Pushing myself to do more. Yes im still messaging Natalie. That's going good. Im hoping to overcome my anxiety so I can meet up with her. Ive asked God for so long to send me someone to love. Could it be Natalie? I guess we'll never know if i dont meet up with her haha. Can you believe its nearly February? Managed to dissociate the majority of January. Jasper's going soon and then ill be getting in bed. Just absolutely love being asleep. I snore apparently. The boys say they can hear me from downstairs. How bad is that haha. My dad was a snorer. He was so loud. God I miss him so much. Just miss them both. How will it be 2 years in June for my son? How the fuck have I made it this far? Crazy! 6 years November for my dad. April 21st ill be 5 years cancer free. Which means I should be discharged from the hospital after my next examination. Im still here because I went for my smear! Always go for your cervical screening ladies. If mine wasn't caught early, I might not be here now. Really is crazy to think ive survived 3 lots of trauma. Dad dying, cancer, and my son dying. Ever likely my heads fucked. But, the main thing is, is that im trying. Got to keep going for my kids. 

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