December 4th Sunday.

Didn't go church this morning. I slept in till half 11. Now thats some lie in. Cancelled going my friends. Spent the day with Jasper. I was just sat thinking about how we already had Jay-Dees name planned before I even got pregnant. Myself and Damian were big Jack Daniels lovers and thats where Jay-Dees name comes from. Jesse is on his way back home now. Ive missed him, but ive loved the break. Got in bed last night, was listening to music. Fell asleep peacefully and had a nice lie in. Its been snowing, the trees look so beautiful covered in snow. Jesse has just come back home and he's outside playing in the snow, where as im sat with the fire on all cosy in my living room. Feeling a bit better today. I say that, but im still sat thinking of my father and son. Not a day goes by where I dont think of them both. If it keeps snowing Jesse won't be going school tomorrow. Getting a take away for tea and then healthy eating as of tomorrow. Going try calorie counting see if that works. It should do if I stay in a calorie deficit. Got till July to lose weight before I go on holiday. So nervous about going away alone with just Jasper and Jesse. All my other holidays ive gone with a partner. I'll be fine I hope. Jensen has travelled to Bath today, he's arrived there safely. Hes staying there overnight. He does loads of holidays and day trips alone. Makes me so proud. I get anxiety going to Asda so well done to him. Want to push myself more this year,  anxiety and depression have taken enough of my life. Its time I got the strength to fight back.