October 8th Wednesday.

Just sat thinking about when I use to drink alcohol.. I cringe at some of the memories. I'm 3 years 9 months sober. Its crazy to think I dont drink anymore after how much i use to consume daily. I admit I was an alcoholic. 3 years and 9 months sober and I still crave alcohol some days. My sister and i were talking last night about me being sober and even she said I'd be dead by now if I was still drinking. My family is proud of me and so are my children, that's what keeps me going. Its not an easy journey to be on, but its the most rewarding. I only wish I'd of gotten sober sooner, but better late than never. Some times I think to myself, could I have 1 or 2 drinks and then stop, but I dont think I could. So its best I just stay sober. From drinking Jack Daniels every day to nothing. Its crazy. I drink alot of Coke Zero and Diet Coke. Ive always got cans of pop in the fridge. My brother comes on a friday with a few beers and I sit with my pop and it doesn't bother me anymore which is good. Anxiety is through the roof now I dont drink though, ive noticed that, but im trying to overcome that. Christmas is coming and I use to love a Baileys mixed with Jack Daniels. I miss it some days, for example, Baileys have brought a Terry's Chocolate Orange flavour out and I'd love to try it, but I can't. Its tough, but im tougher. My dad was my drinking partner and now he's not here, I dont see the point in drinking anymore. Ive not self harmed since Jay-Dee died. I use to drink and cut my wrists. Alcohol made me so depressed. I know im still depressed but I can control my thoughts whilst im sober. When I was drinking I use to become so low that I'd try to kill myself. This is why im sober. I have suicidal thoughts, but I dont give into them. I have to stay sober so I can stay alive. January 1st 2026 ill be 4 years sober. I'm so proud of myself for how far ive come in life. After everything that's happened im still fighting for my life. My children need me and I need them.