October 17th Friday.

Was talking to a friend this morning and we got on the subject of birthdays. She mentioned how one of her kids birthday's was June 2nd and my heart sank. Inside I told myself that's the day my son died and its my sisters birthday. I told her it was the same day as my sisters birthday, but couldnt bring myself to say, its the day my son tragically passed away. I kept it to myself as I didn't want to dampen her mood. Felt like screaming out loud but instead I had a silent scream inside of me. I hate how life has turned out to be. It kills me inside not having my dad and son here with me. I'm carrying grief with me today. Some days its heavy to carry. All I ever want to talk about is my father and son, but no one wants to hear that everyday so I keep it inside. My heart aches. Life without my child is hard. Life without my father is hard. Just seen Jesse at school as I walked out of the cafe and he came to me and wrapped his arms around me, that little boy doesn't know how much I needed that hug. My kids give me the strength to keep going and they dont even realise it. They save my life everyday. I met up with 3 of my friends last night for a catch up. Made me feel a bit better. Ive got my brother coming this afternoon so that will keep my mind occupied which is good. Going have a full day of cleaning tomorrow. I blitzed the house last Saturday, so same again tomorrow. When my mind goes on overdrive I try to keep busy, I get up and do something just to distract myself.