September 28th Sunday.

Was awake at 7am ready for our half 8 pick up. We had to set off early to avoid the marathon. The weather has been red hot, its been the best day. I love how we have our blended family and do things all together with the kids. Its how it should be. Life's too short. Ive done some walking today, definitely got my steps in. On the way home i found myself staring at the sky thinking about Jay-Dee and my dad. It hurts my heart not having them here, especially my son. He was 21 years of age. Its no age at all. Not looking forward to Tuesday. My beautiful boy should be turning 23. Jensen is working that day but after work we're going the crem to lay flowers on Jay-Dees flower bed. I'm so thankful that Damian pays for his flower bed because its somewhere we can go to remember him. I'm so glad I have his and my dad's ashes with me. They're safe with me. I talk to them both everyday in the hopes they can hear me. My heart is heavy. I know its because Jay-Dees birthday is approaching, saying that, my heart is heavy everyday. God I miss my child so much. Ive said before, losing my dad killed me, but to then lose a child.. I dont know how im getting through each day. It baffles me. Anyway, im cooking a pasta bake for tea, im not hungry. I had some chips at Drayton Manor so im good. Not had much of an appetite the past few days. Weighed myself and ive lost a few lbs so that's good. I really want to lose alot of weight so im going to calorie count, that's what ive been doing the past week and like I say, ive already lost a few lbs so happy days. I want a glow up, I want to lose weight and get better mentally. That's the goal. I'm in therapy so im heading in the right direction. Ive got this, im a strong women.