September 18th Thursday.

Hits me everyday that my son and dad are no longer here. Jasper's been to visit Jay-Dees flower bed at the crem, and its hit me all over again that my son is dead. Felt really good yesterday, my mood wasn't low, I felt good. Then today im hit with sadness. I won't stay sad, ill try and snap myself out of it, somehow. Ive done the school run and got home and got my pjs on. Done some more washing, swear it never ends. I need to start thinking positive. I was blessed to have Jay-Dee for 21 years, but he should still be here with me. Living with grief is hard work. Everyday I face a new battle. Gutted im having a shit day after how good I felt yesterday, but I live for the better days. The thought of having a good day is what keeps me going. I know the bad days won't last, its just hard work getting through them. Not sure what im doing for tea today, there's lobby left over so the kids could have that, or ill just cook something out of the freezer. Do you ever get tired of thinking what to do for tea everyday? It gets me down thinking everyday of what to cook. Life just gets me down some days. Anyway, let's snap me out of my mood! Jasper has come see me before college and he'll be here for tea after college. Bloody love him I do. Hes like my best friend,  all my boys are my best friend's. Couldn't do life without them, which is why it hurts so much not having Jay-Dee here with me. Not long till I start Trauma Therapy, im praying after the 8 weeks I feel a bit better. Fingers crossed 🤞🏼