September 13th Saturday.

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Ive done nothing at all today except wash my bedding and make it back up. My hearts not in life at the moment. Got all my boys here with me, im thankful and grateful for them, but Jay-Dee isn't here and it kills me inside. We've got a big pizza for tea and ive just plated Jasper some up and there was 4 pieces left and my heart sank because Jay-Dee used to have the last 4 pieces of pizza. Its the little things the hurt so much. I'm feeling pretty low at the moment, not feeling life. Feel like im stuck in grief. I'm not moving forwards. How can I change this? I dont know what im meant to do. Yeh, im making it through each day, but most days im hanging on by a thread. Was meant to shower today but i feel that depressed im still in the same pjs I wore last night. Its ok to feel low, but dont stay there too long. So I need to snap out of it. Jesse will be going with Damian tomorrow so ill go see my friends. I'll shower in the morning. Its been 15 months since Jay-Dees death. 15 months of heartache. Its not getting any easier. Some days life is unbearable. Today is a shit day mental health wise.

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