September 12th Friday.

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Jay-Dee visited me in my dreams last night, he put his arms around me and hugged me. Then i woke up, absolutely gutted. I needed that hug even if it was in a dream. I miss him so much. Its hurts my heart. Didn't go see my friends last night, really wasn't in the mood and ive not met my sister this morning. I just can't be bothered. I feel like shit mentally. Just taken my morning medication, I hate being on so much medication just to stay afloat. My brother is coming after work, he'll snap me out of my shitty mood. My brother is pretty funny. We do have a laugh when we're together. Seeing Jay-Dee last night has really made me feel sad. I just can't understand why he'd kill himself, but then again I want to kill myself and know one knows. You can't see mental illness. Maybe he was struggling secretly, I dont know and ill never know the reason why. I just want to see him again, I want to see my dad. I miss them both so much. I say it all the time, but life is hard work. Anyway, im going take my dog for a walk and see if that helps my mood. Enjoy your Friday. 

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