August 31st Sunday.

Got up this morning and went to Church. My friend Rachael came with me today which was really nice. When im in Church, i know its where im meant to be. Can't describe the feeling i get, but it fills me with so much peace. My mind is peaceful whilst I listen to the sermon. I love singing worship songs. It just makes me happy being there. Ive been going to church since my dad passed away, so nearly 5 years now. I dont go every week because some Sundays I dont want to get out of bed early, but im always happy when I go. Rachael doesnt have a Bible and its her birthday in 2 weeks so that's what im getting her for her birthday. Ive seen a lovely pink Bible im buying. A lady at Church brought me my first Bible. It was a lovely gift to receive. We went back Rachaels after church for an hour or so and im back home now, straight in my pjs. I love being in my pjs. I was telling Rachael how I was worried about getting through the 6 week holidays and how much its helped me seeing my friend's regularly and she agreed. I feel blessed to have such supportive friends. Rachael is a boy mum like me, I was saying how hard it is not having Jay-Dee here anymore. Rachael listens and is supportive. Ive known Rachael since we were little. We use to live in the same street growing up. We lost contact when I moved house, but God brought us back together before the new year started this year. I keep telling myself that God has a plan for me, its how I get through the dark days. I prayed alot yesterday, I was having a bad day and prayer got me through it. Thank God. Jesse and Jasper are in Manchester with Damian at the moment, they've been playing laser tag or something like that. I was going do a wash and peg it out but its raining. Think summer has ended now. One more lie in until Jesse goes back to school. Can't wait get back to doing the school run, ive missed my school friends. Ive missed going the cafe in the morning with them all so it'll be nice to see them. I'm not feeling to bad today but that's because ive been busy. Can't wait get into bed, had a shit night's sleep last night. Had really bad heartburn. Jensen will be back from Colombia in a few days, can't wait see him. I miss my boys so much when they're not here. They're all getting older now and doing their own thing, but they'll always be mummy's boys. They're my reason to live. My heart goes out to anyone that has lost a child, its hand on heart the worst thing that has ever happened to me and my family. Not a day goes by where im not hit with a blow to the stomach of sadness. Losing my father and son is the hardest thing ive ever had to go through. I'm stronger than I think I am, well that and the medication has helped. I was ready to die before I was put on Olanzopine. It really did save my life..