August 15th Friday.

My brothers been visit today,  he's not long gone. He weeded my garden for me whilst I was getting through some washing. Ive just had a quick shower and im back in clean pjs. Ive just had a conversation with my dad in the hopes that he can hear me. I told him that I hope Jay-Dee is with him. I pray they're together in heaven smiling down on me because im doing my best. I told him how much I miss him and Jay-Dee, and how I long to see them. My dad's ashes are on my draws in my bedroom, and Jay-Dees ashes are on the fire place in the living room. I talk to them both alot. Some times I feel like im going crazy because im basically talking to myself. I just hope they can hear me. Sighhh. I sure do miss them both. Anyway, Jasper and Jensen have just biked to the gym. The ice cream man came before I went get my shower, so I went out to get Jesse an ice cream, I was in my pjs, hairs greasey with massive roots that im getting done Monday, and I bump into an ex. Fucking typical, I look and feel like shit. Always bump into someone when im looking my worst. I messaged him and said you couldn't of seen me look any worse than I do today. Oh well. Can't wait get my roots done Monday. I'll do a before and after pic for you and you can see how bad my roots are. Ive started watching something on the channel 4 app called In Flight and its really good, so im going carry on watching that now. I'm meeting my friend for breakfast tomorrow with Jesse and his daughter Penny. I had a letter off my psychiatrist today and I've been diagnosed with PTSD. My dad and my sons death has destroyed me, and then I had my own cancer to deal with. I just dont know how to process it all, I think that's why im struggling. Its hard to accept that they're gone forever. Its also says depression too but that's an obvious diagnosis. Don't think I could be anymore depressed. I'll be having trauma therapy soon so I just hope that helps me. Anyway, how are you today? We're here for a reason, I just dont know my reason yet. I'm putting my trust in God. He has a plan for me im sure of it.