July 8th Tuesday.

Ive forced myself to take Jesse school, i could of easily stayed in bed. Ive just had my 16th driving lesson, I wrote a message to my instructor this morning to cancel it, but i deleted the message and forced myself to go. Ive got no motivation at all. Ive just finished my lesson and it went ok. We did round abouts today and I just kept panicking. I keep thinking of giving up on them but I've spent alot of money already, so I've got to stick at it. I know its going take me longer to pass because im only having one lesson a fortnight because its so expensive. My hearts not in life, im struggling with wanting be alive never mind driving. Oh I wish I was normal, I wish life was easy, but its not and im far from what ever normal is, but I've got to keep going. I have to push myself to do anything, I've really got no motivation at all. I'm tired all the time.

I went Asda this morning and brought porridge oats, natural yoghurt and fruit. I need to start eating healthier. I'm going to make over night oats for myself and Jensen. 

I'm going take my dog for a walk, she loves going out. I don't take her everyday because of my anxiety. Anxiety is ruining my life. I was thinking to myself yesterday how I've not been on a bus for months and months and now im scared to get on one. I need to go Hanley but my anxiety won't let me. I'm going try force myself to go tomorrow. I need some trousers for Jensens charity fight he's doing in less than 2 weeks. Its a black tie event. Ive got a shirt and blazer but I need trousers. I'm really going have to push myself tomorrow and go Hanley on my own. I'm dreading it. I'll let you know if I end up going.

Anyway, im going have a cup of tea then walk my dog.